Uh. I am literally coding this at FOUR IN THE MORNING. From now on, I'm going to add the time next to the date I'm coding my post so that it adds more of a complexity to the situation I'm writing about. I should be sleeping and I have a million other things to do but I woke up in the middle of the night which rarely happens unless I have a nightmare (and I haven't been dreaming lately which is also weird), so considering that I had such a strange day, it only seemed natural to post about it.

About my life, I haven't coached O in chess in a while because she hasn't been at her grandparent's house. But! I have been teaching chess to a group of children at a youth organization this summer and I've had so much fun with that, you wouldn't believe it. Also I have a USCF National Master helping me which enlivens me, because he's able to help them more than I could!

Anyway, I don't really know how to explain what I've been doing for the past week because it has been a blur, but do you remember that weird situation I got a phone call about on the last day of school? Yeah, so now that its the 10th of the month I have exactly seven days to deal with that 😂😂😂😂. It's no small potatoes either, but I don't think I'm worried strangely? I have so many other things to worry about and OMG THAT REMINDS ME, today is the first day of our family reunion and around 90 people are going to be coming so its gonna be crazy and I am NOT ready for that sort of thing although my social anxiety has taken a backseat in this past half year. I'm just gonna try to enjoy my family and meeting everyone as best I can although a lot of these people I don't know at all.

In prep for this family gathering me and my cousin have been doing some hardcore work clearing out the downstairs garage to clear out seventy years worth of my grandparent's carpentry stuff, and it was pretty cool to see all the stuff that they had in there. Also I'm hoping that alllll of that work toughened my muscles a bit because the ridiculous amount of sitting I've been doing while studying and doing homework these past two quarters has stolen my wonderful track physique. I'm trying to take Jack on runs but they're mostly walks because I genuinely just don't feel like running; biking is SO much more natural and I don't carry the sentiment of competition with it like I do with running because yk...track is competitive. That's why I preferred cross country ('xc' if you ever hear me refer to it again.)

The Godfather Part II is on, and with it now being 4:33 I'm gonna walk Jack in like half an hour. I think I wanted to write this blog because my bad habit is falling asleep in retrospection of my day and I tend to be so embarassed by everything I did during the day..what's crazy is how hard I'm thinking about these things when I know no one else cares and I have to die one day. (Memento mori, my friends). Like, everyone is in their own world and no one is thinking about my 'shortcomings'. Today at youth group they were playing music and I straight up just LAUGHED out loud guys and then I was laughing so hard I started tearing up omg I feel crazy writing this. And then I feel like I wasn't paying attention to the speaker because I kept playing with my fingers. And when they passed around this paper to help volunteer with something next week I started writing my name, then scribbled it out and wrote on the next line and the guy I like looked over my shoulder and was like "Hm. You wrote your name so no one would be able to read it, huh?" and I was like whewww nah my handwriting is just that pretty. Deep down I was like darn I do write bad gng u right!! And please don't even GET ME STARTED on how my feelings for this person have escalated. I DON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE UNPACKING THAT. I'm exhausted already even thinking of it and that's part of the reason I went to bed in a weird mood.

I'M TIRED!!!! I also don't mean to cut it short but I have to go walk Jack and I sort of have a big day. You guys might see the photo gallery get changed around because I'm not a fan of the layout and some of the scrollbars are literally nonfunctional. Also, I might add a scrollbar for Philip K. Dick! Let's see how the day goes and if I have time.

Love ya!

Nu out!